Do I complain? How to handle a trash talking coworker?

Introduction

Have you ever been in a meeting where you or your coworkers were getting trash talked by a toxic coworker and not even given the chance to discuss or resolve the issue in an open and fair discussion?! There is a high chance that you have gone through this situation yourself at least once and even if you didn’t, you might encounter such a situation in the future. This article will guide you on how to handle such a situation by standing for yourself or your coworker and refusing to get stepped on by the toxic trash talking coworker. Whether you are on the right side or on the wrong side, you have to step up for the trash talking as this is not the correct way to fix an issue. The manager or team leader has to step in and play his role in resolving the conflict in case of situation escalation. Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable. People are different and each person has his/her unique set of qualities, both good and bad. Problems occur! Such problems if not resolved early can negatively affect the work space and create an atmosphere of toxicity.

Trash Talking problem

Trash talking is the act of making insulting remarks in attempt to demoralize and humiliate another person, whether a coworker or an opponent. The way a trash talker is handled is very critical and decisive. The first step is to clearly identify the problem or the cause that created the motive to trash talk. There has to always be a problem or issue behind the trash talking. The trash talker won’t simply come up to you and start trash talking for no reason. So, the ability to identify a probable cause is crucial, whether you think you are right or not. If identified early, the issue can be resolved easily before it escalates and gets worse. It is always advisable to look out for signs of accusations before they escalate and watch out for soft disagreements that are ought to be addressed right on the spot before they rest in and grow.

Ways to handle trash talking coworkers

Now, if you failed to identify the problem and the conflict started to escalate and the trash talking commenced, then here are some tips on how to handle the situation. There are three main possible players for such a situation. You can be the coworker himself/herself, who is getting trash talked or you can be a coworker, who is just spectating the whole situation or you can be the manager or team leader of the conflicting coworkers. Let’s start with the first case, where you are the coworker who is getting trash talked by another coworker. Firstly, you need to try and understand the problem and the view point of the trash talker. You will need to state facts with evidence to help support you position such as emails and messages. Instead of merely arguing, just show proof that supports your point and defends your position. For example, if are accused of not completing your task on time, just mention something like: “As per our conversation on the 5th of February, you didn’t provide any feedback, so I hadn’t had the chance to wrap things up. I followed again on the 15th and there was no response from your side as well, as a result I wasn’t able to wrap things up on time.” It is essential that you understand the position of the accuser in team. If he has a better hold on the manager than you, and you get constantly cornered all the time even after the manager’s intervention, then it is highly possible that your manager is not doing enough and it is better to plan an exit from the team, as there is nothing much you can do. An escalation to the manager’s boss will help the company, but may not benefit you. Now, let’s move on to the second case, where you are a spectator. In this case, you need to make sure that you listen to both sides of the story and be sure that you understand the issue correctly. You are then required to intervene and come to a conclusion on who is right and who is wrong, if any. This will help resolve the issue using a third unbiased party and will make the conflicting parties keener on listening to your decision and solution. You should also inform the trash talker that trash talking is a bad way of conveying your frustration at a work place and that there are many other possible ways by which you can reach the coworker and let him know of your concerns and problems in a more friendly manner. Our final scenario is being the manager and coming in play to resolve the conflict. As a manager, handling team conflicts is your responsibility. You need to make sure that you listen to both sides of the story and be sure that you get the full picture. Then you are required to intervene and decide who is wrong and who is not in a professional and unbiased way that doesn’t undermine or hurt anyone’s feelings. To avoid situation escalation, it is recommended that you meet with the team members frequently and make sure that they are not facing any issues or problems. In case of the existence of issues and within team conflicts, it is recommended that you talk to each individual alone and tell him/her what ought to be done.

Conclusion

To conclude, trash talking back to a toxic coworker is not going to solve anything but rather escalate the situation, hinder work flow and have its detrimental impacts destroy the team or the company. Handling such situation should rather be with reason, proof, logic and according to work place laws and rules. In case the accusing trash talker is offensive and doesn’t take logic and proof for an answer and the same situation is repeated regularly, then you are faced with two main choices. You can either escalate the situation to the manager or team leader or you can request to leave the team or work place, if the manager didn’t help or was unfair to you.